Wednesday, October 28, 2009

compassionate communication

one of my favorite mindful practices (an i am sure one of the hardest one's) is to attempt compassionate communication. i got married this summer and i do everything i can to practice this technique - and we for sure need to be reminded of it at times. he's my best friend and the love of my life, but sometimes when we disagree, we really disagree. i think it's a healthy thing for us to have our different opinions, but we always need to be reminded that it is a-ok to agree to disagree.
here are some things to remember (adapted from
- we all have the same basic needs.
-strong feelings arise when we our needs ARE fulfilled and when they ARE NOT fulfilled.
-learning how to communicate our own and listen for another's feelings and needs us a way of cultivating mindful and peaceful interactions.
-when judgment's arise, they are often masking a repressed feeling and need.
-translating judgments into feelings and needs is a way to practice mindful interactions with ourselves and others.

wow! those things resonate so true to me and - i hope - to you, too! they are really powerful and important to think about before you get into a disagreement with someone...before anyone says something they do not mean!

here's an example of how it is suggested to communicate in a mindful way. first, recognize the judgement you are feeling and translate it into a need such as "you're trying to control the situation" can be translate to i feel "frustrated" because i need to "be included in the decision making process." i really like this format of judgement and then i feel______because i need to_______. give it a try - it's a great way to put a new spin and perspective on any conversation and it helps to keep you mindful and present to the way you feel and the way the person you are speaking to feels as well.

happy communicating!


  1. I really appreciate what you are doing here Katherine. I am uplifted reading about your work keeping a balance between fit body and emotions.
    Judith Katz, BayNVC

  2. thanks judith! it is really my passion and i am excited about exploring the blog world and sharing!